Furry encounter
Puns, luring and the big beating

After our glorious victory over the Necromancer and his foul, rotten entourage and overcoming those deadly traps, GiroLamo, PrismAss and I got us some break.
I helped cleansing the well and stuck my nose into some historical books and scripts. It was such a great and recreational time.

Of course we got disturbed by the nerdy and creepy new acquaintances of our group, together with ‘Ch (it seems that trouble follows this guy like his shadow … hmm, wait … did I ever see any shadow of him?)
You see, your beloved bard is never able to get some long lasting peaceful moment. But that’s the way I like it, anyway. As patient as I am and as you know me, still I can get bored easily over time.

Yes, they returned back. ‘Ch, Mista and … a horse, pulling a carriage. As it turned out the horse was or is Nafirith. This wicked woman transformed herself into a horse but she had to wait for some time to transform her back.
If this is the general way of transformation or just lack of experience, I can not tell you. But if I have to guess, I would say it’s the second one.

They did not only brought a carriage but a furry creature, too. Her name was Magpis … I vaguely remember some language from some traveler in the Underdark. And this name would have a very funny meaning, in that particular language. Anyway, because of her appearance the field opened for a lot of puns, most of them prefurrably concerning … I guess you get the rest of it, now. And many of furrther time spent was very childish play with words.
You know me and therefore you know that I am too serious for such trivialities.

Important about the guest was … furrst she was wounded. More on this later on. Second she was very attractive and would she not be weakened by her wounds, I would have prefurred to find out about her agility. But after GiroLamo tended to her wounds, we were focused on another of her abilities.
She was adapt with herbs and with brewing potions, even poisons. I guess I know somebody else who would be interested into her, too. Hmmm … two of them … could be very exciting and exhausting at the same time. Ah, stop that day-dreaming!

Luckily we could ask her to sell some of her potions and prepare some drink to let you fly … no, not those kind of drinks. I mean such one which makes you literally fly. And we got it for a great discount. If you would have been on her best vital state, I guess I could have had her granting us an even greater discount.

Oh, yes … I promised to get back to the fact that this smoking hot cat-lady was wounded. I learned that she got stabbed by Mista because he shat his pants after looking into her eyes. Interestingly he stabbed her from behind. Interestingly but not surprisingly. I don’t know if this guy is stupid or dangerous. But because I can not tell, I am considering him as dangerous. And I will not turn my back to him at any time. Better keeping an eye or both on him.

Fortunately we had a pleasant and undisturbed night (even if I would have loved to have some kind of disturbance … perhaps next time). And in the mornign Magpis had her potion ready and we decided that PrismAss and the horse will bring Magpis back to Phandalin, safely. Meanwhile the four of us will take care about some Orks, harassing nearby miners – not to forget about an involved magical forge.

So the merry band walked to the direction where those Orcs have seen last time. And it took not so long when we discovered a mass of rocks … the educated readers amongst you would have recognized them as Wyvern Tor. And there was a single Orc patrolling. Obviously he was not alone, but there was smoke coming out amidst from the rocks.
As you might know our usual strategy you would think that we would start running towards this Orc guard and yelling at him from the top of our lungs. But not this time. This time we were playing smart. I mean I am smart and the others were playing like so. Thus we came up with a plan to lure the Orc towards our position to capture and tor…ahm…interrogate him.

Thanks to my brilliant mastering my voice and a short introduction into a few orcish words, I was able to call to the Orc pretending to be an orcish lady … no, there is not such thing … so, pretending to be an orcish cooch. Of course this dump creature got the bait and moved towards us.
The plan was working until he stood in front of ’Ch and us. And I have to say, for an Orc he got a good grasp of what was going on, pretty fast. Faster than ’Ch because the Orc hit him with a nasty axe at the chest. But we put a fast end to this and knocked the stinker unconscious.

After GiroLamo woke him up very gently we started to ask him about the camp. So ‘Ch started to ask him because he is the only one in our group able to speak this harsh, nasty language (no style, definitely). And it looked like he could establish some connection … probably because he is an half-orc.
Later we found out that the Orc can speak Common and that he despite ’Ch … you see, it is very difficult to interpret the mood of a foreign culture.
So, it was not such a surprise that our captive did not want to tell us anything. And our suspicious Mista wanted to kill the creature immediately, of course. Thus there was some fast growing tension within our group. But I kept a cool head and everybody was calming down, finally. And we had to promise to our priest that we will not kill the Orc.
The next attempt of interrogation was not going any way better and this stinking, dumb fuck of a piece of shit started to take it to a personal level. Oh yes, and he was still lying like hell.
Playing nice was done. I threatend him to cut his Achilles’ tendon if he won’t start telling the truth. First he refused. After the first cut into his heel, he started talking. After the second cut he starting talking the truth. But I am not that cruel. I did not cut his tendon only through the skin, perhaps scratching the tendon. And in worst case he has a second leg, doesn’t he.

Some when in between this interrogation somebody told the Orc that we are called Confurrence of fools … completely and utterly nonsense, completely.

Now we got the information that there is a second entrance at the back side and that there are six Orcs and a massive, brutal Ogre. After a good whack at his head, the Orc was send to Sehanine Moonbow’s realm (not that she would except such a creature). And believe me, I do not forget about the thing he started with me and there will be some bone to pick with him.

But right after the talk, it was time for Mista to get into the cave to confirm what this stinker has said. The time we were waiting for Mista’s report was used to cure ’Ch’s wound. Mista was able to partly confirm what we heard, previously. Even spicing the information up with something about an Elite-Orc (whatever this might be).
So some planning was required … again, we would disappoint all of you thinking that we would like to run into a narrow, cavelike environment and fight some unpre… I mean battle-hardened foes. Unfortunately those creatures got inpatient about their missing comrade and started yelling after him.
Luckily we had one able to speak orcish and I knew how dumb folded this creatures are. So, what worked the first time will work a second time … right. But this time we started to make them interested into … a pile of turd. Yes, you got it. A pile of turd.

But again, we were not thinking the whole thing through and we ended up with three angry Orcs yelling alert and soon after we were facing three more battle-ready Orcs and soon after that a monstrous (what else) Ogre was showing up.
They might have been battle-ready but we are an extremely skilled group of adventurers. The Orcs fell like flies and the Ogre was dumb like bread and almost missing most of his hits. Even dumb enough to play chasing with ‘Ch.
But there was one important moment during our fight. You know that I do not pay much appreciation to the longsword I posses. Don’t get me wrong. It is very beautiful and I know it is magical sword. But usually I do much better with a rapier. And therefore the rapier is my first choice. But this time a voice in my head was asking me to use the talon, instead.
And what shall I tell you … it was a brilliant advice. This sword and Orcs are going great together. In a way that it cuts into those bodies and splits bones like they were thin branches. And it starts tingling and almost singing while it is doing it’s lethal and bloody work. It was such a sensation that I can not wait for the next time fighting Orcs again. You could say that I am addicted to cut down Orcs by wielding this piece of metal death.

And, I have to admit that I can see that there is more within Mista than just being a coward. He earned some of my respect by taking the risk of reconnaissance. And he also fought very well and he took a very hard hit from the Ogre … and survived.

Again, victory was ours. And we have one, I mean, two Orcs still alive to get them to the miners. And there the miners can do with them whatever they want to do. And we can get our reward. Perhaps there will be some more, because we brought them some living stock.
But first, we will check out their camp and see what kind of goodies we will find.

Puzzles and traps
Between getting killed by tedium and machinery

After a tough fight with the Necromancer, who could still be alive if it was not for some “delighted” cleric … thinking about, the whole fight would not be necessary if it was not for some “delighted” cleric …
Anyways, so after that tough fight I was ready for food and a good nap.

But first we need to have a talk with ‘Ch. Our blinder-wearing cleric wanted to accuse him for being some kind of a demon loving guy, because we heared him chanting to Orkus. Admittedly, that’s probably not a good sign.
But who am I to judge somebody because of cheering to any kind of god. Or demon. All those things are the same if it comes to me.
No, more important was to let ’Ch know that we act and especially fight as team. And just him having some time in the tent while we were facing a horde of undead, was not something we like to approve. Thus we asked him to coordinate his moves and thoughts during battle.
You know … Conversation, conversation, conversation.

After getting this elephant out of the room, I was still ready for food and a good nap. Even more so, I would like to say.

But no, there were still plenty of paper to read within the tent. The mixture of magic wielding and basically curious people brought us to read them. And what shall I tell you. What a gibberish. Why can’t those wizards, sorcerers and so called intellectual people not just directly say what the mean.
I mean real, straight forward instructions.
So now it was time of puzzling and word deciphering, instead of eating and sleeping.

At first, I was not so much interested into this puzzle solving. But lucky for my subordinates … √§hm, comrades … I meant, lucky for us … I paid attention for a short moment. And so I was able to give the essential hint to solve the whole mumble-jumble.
Yes, your beloved bard is not only the skilled, live saving sword-wielder but also the very cunning and intelligent thought-wielder. So, I am a thourd-wielder.

And by the way, I was served with some food. Not the best but not the worst either. By whom? Frankly, I have no idea. It just was there and I was hungry.

Ok, let’s continue. The puzzle was solved and the result was … an instruction (you see my point from before about just putting things simple). Solving the puzzle also gave me a possibility to show my fellow comrades about my tremendous knowledge of history. Telling them about an ancient civilization. The empire of Netheril. And after killing thousands of owlbears that place was becoming an outpost for the Terraseer.
But I’m drifting again … so back to what happened.

We followed the instruction and we made a door in the ground make to appear. And what is a door good for if not to open (yes, you are right it is also good to lock somebody out or in, for good reason). Nevertheless we opened the door and climbed down the ladder. At first glance nothing was down there. Just a small room and … a hallway leading into darkness.
Interesstingly there were torches at the wall, but they were not lit. By the way talking about darkness … wait, I still need to lough thinking about how hillarious it was. Our enlighted cleric is afraid of darkness because he can see nothing in the dark. He really wanted to start some light in an unknown dark environment. Can you imagine such foolness? Sometimes he is just such a child :)

So, to make him a bit more comfortable I thought it would be great to light the torches. Great idea, indeed. If there would not have been an asshole mounting some traps in the hallway. But not just traps but deadly traps. A set of some rotating blades, moving faster and faster every time they were coming back. Let me tell you, it was nerve-wrecking. I mean, fighting against an enemy is something I can do without breaking sweat. But those things?
How to kill some machinery, right.
But we kept on hitting them and finally we broke them. Oh, did I forget to mention that all that time we were beating those blades and nearly got killed at the attempt, there was a thumping noise. Like something extremely heavy was dropping at the ground. Several times in short sequence. And about half way down the hallway we could even see what it was – sorry, not really we. Because our mole of a cleric is still blind in the darkness :)
There were pillars of stone smashing from above and making mash out of whatever was unlucky to went under them. But with fast movement, quick reflexes and great courage we managed to get to end of this deadly trap and we were safe. So we thought.

Not enough that there were mechanical traps. No, there had to be a magical one, too. What the hell was going on?
But you how the saying is going … consistency and perseverance counts. Finally we destroyed the magical item which tried to push us back to the stone pillars, over and over again.

After our close fight with the Necromancer and his rotten friends we had another almost deadly encounter. Seems that we can not cath a break, can we.
At least I got some great treasure. A pair of gauntlet which will become handy in future and a tremendous ring which will help me to lift the spirit of my comrads in time of despair. I think it is just the proper kind of payment for your outrageous and eloquent bard (Master of sound and voice)

Strange meat, strange creatures and a strange teammate
An olfactory story

Hello, my dear reader!
You know that you should listen to the advice of your family and friends. But sometimes you have to do whatever is able to satisfy your curiosity.
So I had to get a taste of roasted, fiendish Deathdog meat. Of course it could have given me a bad stomach or perhaps much worse things.
But I can tell you, it is tasty. You can’t compare it to anything you are used to. And yes, it does not help you in case you want to sneak up to somebody. At least, you have to be careful about the wind direction ;)

But let me tell you, the body odor given by Deathdog meat is nothing compared against the stink from our newest encounter. The Underdark is a place of many scents. Even very uncomfortable ones. So, I am used to a lot of bad smells.
But there is not much, stinking worse than Undead do. Their smell is even worse than their look.
And when we got closer to the old ruins of that tower, I could feel a sharp sting starting within my nose going into my brain.
And I immediately knew what this means. There are Undead. A LOT of Undead.
Furthermore, as we found out, they were not alone but were accompanied by their master. A Necromancer.
I mean, how crazy do you have to be to decide to become a wizard or mage. Playing around with all that devastating power. But then, becoming a Necromancer. A whole new level of madness.

But you know how the common human people say. You have to fight fire with fire. So, luckily we had our own fire with us :) We have a wizard of our own. A fire wizard!
And Prismass made a fast end to the leader of that rotten pack.

Oh, and previously speaking of body odor and unpleasant olfaction. What stench Gerolamo must have had, that even the Undead backed away from him :D
I fully trust within the fighting capabilities of my teammates and especially within my own. But I will admit that the Undead fleeing Gerolamo saved our asses for this time.

I like how everyone in our grandiose group fought at his best level and with great bravery.
Hmmm … did I say everyone?

No, not everyone. Because one of us’ch thought that it might be an awesome idea’ch, to enter a cozy tent’ch and start reading. I hope that our fighting noise, chanting and spellcasting did not disturbe him that much. I would be very sorry to know that we might have ruined his recreation time.
This was strange. As strange as the whole person. Half orc and half elf. Can you imagine that? Usually my gut feeling would tell me to stay away from him.
But I am afraid, my curiosity will have the upper the hand … again. And, there is something in his eyes. Some pain, some sadness. I am sure there is an interesting story to tell.

The end? Ah, the outcome of the fight. Didn’t I told you, already? No. I am sorry.
As mentioned our wizard did not only smoked the robes of the Necromancer but he burned him to death. And I mean permanent death. Gerolamo did, whatever he thinks that this imaginary entity wants him to do. So, he beat as many Undead to the ground as he could.
And Mastah finished them whenever they were not finally done. Yes, he was sneaking around but that’s they way he does and it perfectly works for him. And finally for us all.

Me? Oh, I was staying calm and relaxed. The way I am always behave. I was making a few jokes, inspiring my friends, cursing and mocking my enemies and time by time striking some deadly blows.
You already know me, my dear reader. The humbled man I am, I don’t want to take all the glory and honor for myself. Thus, I am not single-handedly crushing the enemy but step back and let some of them and the associanted fame to my comrades.

Yes, we prevailed over the Necromancer and his dull, unworthy servants. Of course!

I have the Power!
Still, I am stupid

So many years I’ve traveled, sung, played instruments, fought, trunk and f…ound cozy time with … ladies. But only recently, I recognized what it really means to be me.
I’ve always thought that I am more of a lone wolf, not willing to take care for others. Or being more interested as for where I could get my next intoxication.

But it happened that I found a group of funny fellows. Randomly mixed together, as life is doing such things, usually. And believe me, I could not have been more less concerned about each of them. I mean, there has even a priest joined in, recently.
Someone who believes that some invisible entity grants him some kind of strength or power. Or that it is guiding him in some way. Come on, not even when I am completely wasted I could come up with such crazy sh…tory.

But at our last and still lasting adventure, something happened. Suddenly, I felt connected to them. And during our lethal encounter with some extremely nasty and dangerous Deathdogs – where it luckily turned out that the encounter was lethal for the dogs, finally – I recognized that I do care about them.
And while caring about them I felt that my songs become more powerful. I am able to encourage my teammates and grant them power to attack more fierce or defend themselves more effective.

As said, now I know what it means to be me. What defines a good bard.
And now I know, that I will become one of the greatest bards in the Forgotten Realms, if not the greatest. In future other bards will tell and sing stories about me. I will inspire other young men to follow my paths and even leave their own marks.
And thus the bardic torch will be handed over from generation to generation, still.

But saying this, I also know that I am currently just at the beginning of my potential. Now I’m recognizing how much I have to learn, still. But I will never tell this to my comrades, of course. To them I will always show the cocky and confident face, they are used to.
Perhaps somewhen, I will let them know how much I really care about them. And how much they helped me to become the great bard, I will be.

In the name of allmighty Gods: Smite the Undead!

“All who die by the way, whether by land or by sea, or in battle against the Undead, shall have immediate remission of sins. This I grant them through the power of Illmater with which I am invested. O what a disgrace if such a despised and base race, which worships demons, should conquer a people which has the faith of omnipotent Gods and is made glorious with the name of Illmater! With what reproaches will the Lord overwhelm us if you do not aid those who, with us! Let those who have been accustomed unjustly to wage private warfare against the faithful now go against the infidels and end with victory this plague which should have been begun long ago. Let those who for a long time, have been robbers, now become knights. Let those who have been fighting against their brothers and relatives now fight in a proper way against the Undead. Let those who have been serving as mercenaries for small pay now obtain the eternal reward. Let those who have been wearing themselves out in both body and soul now work for a double honor. Behold! on this side will be the sorrowful and poor, on that, the rich; on this side, the enemies of the Gods, on that, his friends. Let us eagerly set out on the way with Illmater as their guide.”

Brother Girolamo Zmaj
Previously on ....

- they started on Abel Yarl farm, they went to toseths resting place, and lurue shrine, cleaned up the kobolds, and all recieved some worthy items.

- went to Neverwinter found Sildar Hallwinter and Gundren Rockseeker and agreed to Gundreen's quest to deliver the provisions to Phandalin. They also included the Halfling as help for their quest forward.

- on the way to Phandalin they were ambushed by the same goblins that captured Gundren and SIldar.

- went to Phandalin delivered the provisions, and got back to clear up the cragmaw hideout..

- found the emerald shard within the ripped claw textile.. it sucks the life from its enemies

- brought the supplies to the LIONSHIELD Coster

- cleaned up the goblins, saved Sildar Halwinter, and got back to the town

- brought the goblin(Kekz) with them and left him with Sildar as his helping hand

- The Halfling cleaned the prision cell together with Kekz

- Talked to the sister garlene at the shrine which sent them to Aghata the banshee for a quest(to answer one question… any question, party has chosen the one from Garlene)

- the wizard met the ranger while going on a private quest with Gili as entrance exam to join the harpers.

- went drinking to the sleeping giant, decapitated the ruffians and shown whose the boss in this town.

- SIldar offered the group if they clean up the Cragmaws castle for 500 gold and 200 if they find Iarno Albrek his friend

- On the road they met, Gnols, Stirges, Hobgoblins(John the hobgoblin explained to the party where the Cragmaw castle is )

- Thorton offered them 100 each if they bring her the head of Glasstaff.. or 100 if they just kill him.

- Daran edermar the old adventurer priest heard distrubing news of undead near the old owl well 

- Harbin Wester  band of orcs near Wyvern Tor.

- told of a druid friend Reidoth in thundertree

- bard met with Maledos the tiefling, his old  friend, whom she had a mission in phandalin. She also had a mission for the bard as well(to find a poisonous glan of a black or green dragon)

- bard went carousing, met the  pixie and got carousing with the old lady

- they discovered the secret entrance to the tresdan mannor

- they entered the tresdan mannor couple of times, and got back drinking couple more..

- rescued the cleric from the improsnment in the tresdan manor

- met the druid who investigated the disapearance of the animals in the forest behind the mannor

- cleared the tresdan mannor.. with glasstaff escaped

Like a box of chocolate
Full log of a Halfling

It feels like someone always wants to scream this word inside of my head.
A weird cat-like mentalist creature appears and tries to kill us!
I find a cool sword and some treasures and I finally get a read cloak for myself. Time to put it in my backpack!

Whats even more surprising: none of the others seems to have a single grain of doubt that “only” the sword was in the treasure chest. They believed me in an instant! Given my history with them I’d call their behavior insane. Like I’d call the little bastard Vilhalith! Runs faster to the next pub with the new sword in his hands than I could shout “Whiskey”!
And since we’re at the topic of shouting: what the bloody hell is wrong with Utterus! Shouting in a not fully explored cave, giving away our positions immediately! I guess I need to have a serious talk again with Prismass about why he brought this fool to our group! Luckily nothing bad happened when I was right in front of this doo… Whait a minute… Now I remember why my little follower thought I saved him from the Bugbears! I successfully lured them away from him! Nevermind this minor concussion… At least this new guy is finally someone that’s giving me the respect I deserve! What was his name again? As far as I remember it sounded pretty lame… Ah! Gerolamo it was! Despite his name he seems pretty darn useful. Knew everything about this place and an apparent frequent visitor, a female Tiefling. Much more beautiful than Prismass of course and she seems to wear a robe all the time. Might also have some influences like Vilahlith does if she really goes nowhere without her mandoline. I think I’ll keep that in the back of my head. Nothing seems more important than this right now. Not even 2 dozens of possible enemies. They can’t stop me. Us… At least Gerolamo does think it’s no problem to get to the cells with just a few Bugbears ahead and I think I can trust him. Lovely little fellow. So onwards to the cells! What could be waiting there? New allies? Gold? Diamonds?


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